Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
