ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
