So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
