Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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