found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
a search helicopter?!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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