She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
