I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Fuck appropriateness.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
