One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I want a musical about memes.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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