Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
