Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
