He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
if only i could text you this smell
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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