but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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