I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
