Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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