I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
