Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
