I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
