I wish I could teleport
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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