don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
