I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
