Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dignity is for republicans.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
