Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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