Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize