You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
