I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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