when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
