I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
