I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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