and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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