I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
