I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
