dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
