He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
