i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
