Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
