i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize