Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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