I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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