Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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