I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
