I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
