I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
