dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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