you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
