ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize