You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm just crazy horny about you
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
