Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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