i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
