My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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