I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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