and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
