My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
