My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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