Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
