Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
