i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
