That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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