I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you never un-have a 4some
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
