i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Slut skills are useful in every country.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
