At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
