is your mom at the bar?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
