Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
