he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
