But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
