It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
