I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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