I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
