I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
