Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This house was built for laser tag.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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