I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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